Holding On to Yesterday
by April Raven Girl
Summary: His mission had become his reason to exist; his entire world narrowed inexorably to one single purpose: Keeping his charge safe. Bumblebee/Sam, 2007 Movie, AU, DARK.


Author's Note: Updated for corrections only. I've been reading a lot of fan fics lately and at 5 this morning I woke up and felt COMPELLED to write this. Thank you to all the wonderful authors that have inspired me with their beautiful & painful stories. I'd like to especially thank Lady Dragon2 for reviewing and advising me, and for inspiring me to try to write something of my own in the first place.

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers or the 3 songs whose lyrics appear here.

**Holding On to Yesterday**

He moves slowly through the mountain range, hiding by day, traveling by night, moving towards the homing beacon that began a month ago. Scanners hum steadily, searching for any enemies that might harm the precious youngling he carries. _Sam, my Sam…I will always protect you._ Echoes of a promise made long ago filter down through tattered logic circuits into his Spark.

They travel south now, after fleeing north from Mission City 8 months ago. Only a week now, they'll reach the signal source in a week. The homing beacon brings them new hope that their friends have survived. They were all so brave during that vicious fight, his Sam most of all… His Spark suddenly shudders within him and several firewalls in his CPU slam down on the memories. One of the firewalls collapses and a logic circuit flares briefly and dies. A strangled electronic noise issues from his vocal processor, followed by a strange cackling sound.

—_What's wrong 'Bee?—_

—_Nothing, Sam, everything's OK—_

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me_

He plays a soothing tune for him as he looks down at the youngster in his hand, curled up in a ball. _Sleeping again… _He sees lights in the distance, lights that promise food for Sam and a fuel source for him. His memory banks hum as they search files.

**File # 312,000,045 Nutritional Requirements for Humans**

**The following list contains the FDA approved recommended daily allowance of vitamins and minerals for a 2,500 calorie diet…**

He scans the list briefly and moves towards the lights.

.o.

—_Sam, you must try and eat—_

—_NO! That's all you ever bring me, these stupid tasteless energy bars! —_

His intakes hitch as he makes an approximation of a sigh, and looks around at the assorted energy bars taken from the small convenience store.

—_Sam, I'm sorry I didn't bring you any "junk food" but that isn't what your body needs. If you don't eat, I will have to feed you—_

He pokes the sullen figure sitting next to him with a long finger. Too hard… Sam topples over with a shriek.

—_Oww! Watch it 'Bee!— _

—_I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Sam! —_

He helps his friend sit back up. Picking up an energy bar, he tears off the wrapper and breaks off a small piece and holds it to Sam's mouth.

—_Please Sam? For me? I…I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you…—_

Alarms ring faintly in his CPU as another firewall crumbles, followed by the strange cackling sound. He tips Sam's head back with a finger and Sam looks up at him grinning and opens his mouth.

—_Alright 'Bee, only for you. But you need to recharge soon, you don't sound too good—_

—_I will Sam, as soon as you've eaten—_

He finishes feeding Sam the energy bar, and then lays down on soft grass, cradling the boy gently against his Spark chamber. A faint unpleasant odor assaults his sensors. It's coming from Sam. He sighs and smoothes the filthy rumpled shirt on Sam's back with a gentle finger. As soon as they have found their friends, he's going to make sure Sam gets some clean clothes and takes a nice long bath…

**File # 1,0000,345 Maintenance Manual**

**Section 116, Paragraph 20**

_**It is of the utmost importance to properly recharge for approximately 6-8 cycles after each waking period. The amount of recharge time required will vary depending on the individual's needs. Improper recharging can lead to decreased efficiency, improper fuel intake and, in severe cases, imbalance in logic circuitry which in turn can cause complete neural failure…**_

He wakes up suddenly, echoes of blasts and gunfire and a high-pitched electronic scream sounding in his audials. Another alarm blares in his CPU. Two more firewalls crumble and more logic circuits overload under the strain. He cradles the sleeping boy closer and hums his love. His recharge cycle is not complete, but he can't seem to finish it. He stares at Sam and sings to him softly. Deep inside his CPU, another firewall shakes and cracks appear.

_When the night has come  
And the land is gone  
And the moon is the only light we'll see  
I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid  
Just as long as you stand, stand by me._

_If the sky we look upon, should tumble and fall  
And the mountains should crumble to the sea  
I won't cry, I won't cry  
No I won't, shed a tear  
Just as long as you stand, stand by me._

_.o._

As he moves up the hill, following the electronic homing signal, a sudden flurry of movement is seen at the top. His optics glow and loud music bursts from him.

_We're all here  
and speaking out with one voice  
we're going to rock the house (YEAH YEAH!)  
the party's on now everybody make some noise  
come on scream and shout._

Friends move into view, friends he thought he'd never seen again. _Ratchet, Ironhide, Jazz, Optimus, and…and Mikaela!_

Sam sits up on his hand.

—_Mikaela, Mikaela!! — _

Sam shouts joyfully over and over again.

—'_Bee! Put me down, put me down! —_

—_Alright Sam—_

He kneels down and puts Sam on the ground. Sam runs towards Mikaela. The other 'Bots move up around him, smiling broadly and clapping him on the back and shoulders. He laughs and cries energon tears, his Spark squeezing painfully in its chamber.

—'_Bee where've you been all this time? You ran off with Sam right after the blast that killed Megatron…—_

Alarms blare loudly in his CPU. Weird electronic noises again, followed by the cackling sound. Ratchet looks at him with alarm, then down at Sam. Mikaela races towards Sam laughing…and runs right through him. Ratchet looks back at him and reaches out to slap the side of his head, knocking his holo emitters offline.

The last firewall crashes down, and logic processors begin to short circuit. He remembers now: Mission City, the battle, Sam pushing the cube into Megatron's chest, then getting thrown back against a building by the blast. He races to pick up Sam. Sam is unconscious and there's blood…so much blood. Why does the back of his head look so odd? He clutches Sam to his chest and runs away and keeps on running…

—_I love you, Sam. I'll protect you, I'll always protect you—_

—_I know you will 'Bee. I love you too—_

But he couldn't protect him, not from this. He falls to the ground, vocal processor spitting out those weird noises again, his hand clutching Sam to his Spark chamber. The others hold him down as Ratchet straightens his arm out and gently pries his fingers open. They recoil looking at the pitiful shapeless bundle of rags in his shaking hand. Here and there whitish things poke through with tatters of dried flesh and skin still clinging to them. A faint nauseating smell surrounds them. Mikaela's screams go on and on...

He shudders violently and something not quite round gets shaken loose and rolls off his hand into the grass. Cracks can be seen radiating from a large hole on one side. Wisps of brown hair still cling to pieces of dried skin the color of parchment. Empty eye sockets stare up at him and he cackles as he sees pieces of energy bar held inside by grinning teeth. _Sam really does hate those energy bars._ The cackling grows louder and louder, becoming a high-pitched scream until the last logic circuit sputters and dies and he lays stiff and motionless. A song begins playing softly, brokenly.

…_Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me…  
_

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along..._

_--_

Author's note: Song lyrics used are "My Immortal" by Evanescence, "Stand By Me" by Ben E. King, and "We're All in This Together" from High School Musical.


End file.
